Wow, 12 weeks goes really fast when you lose track of reality! Somewhere between proclaiming my commitment and now, I feel like I've disappeared from the world outside the hospital. I've put my life on hold and with it, lost sight of my health and fitness and in general lost sight of myself!
I have been working 6-7 days, clocking up to 80 hours per week and even though I'm organised by nature, I have not been putting in the effort to organise my food or exercise. Instead, I just eat what is available and at whenever I have the opportunity, which might mean that I don't eat until 3pm, or that I'm eating dinner at midnight after working 16 hours. I just haven't been able to get into a rhythm and for the most part, 12WBT didn't even cross my mind! It wasn't like I had made an active decision NOT to follow the program, I was just living in a world of work - sleep - work - sleep, so much so that I would wake up and a whole week would have disappeared between weigh-in reminders! On top of that, I have also had to move house and have really struggled to find a new place. I also have TWO injuries and have used that as an excuse for too long. Running is NOT the only type of exercise available!
Things are slowly getting back on track now and after a lot of soul searching over the last few days, I feel like I am ready to put myself as a priority again. At some point in the last couple of days, I realised that if I keep going this way, I could potentially wake up years from now having not achieved anything except work! And as much as I love my job, there is more to life than helping others be healthy enough to live their own.
There are a lot of things that I need to work through and I think I'm finally being realistic about this. I'm finally ready to start answering the tough questions rather than pushing them aside. Even last year when I reached my goal weight, I did not even recognise what I needed to work on! This year with all the stress I've had and all the obstacles thrown into my life, those issues have really exposed themselves and despite all my attempts to bury them again, I have not been able to. I realise now that I have been burying myself at work, hiding myself away from the outside world, trying to escape from the very things I should be facing head-on. I feel like I've been living the last 3 months with my hands over my ears saying, "la la la la la la lahhh!"
But now it's time to be mindful and to deal with those issues and take each day at a time rather than losing weeks at a time. It's time to get more organised and to change my priorities to include my health as well as those of my patients.
So, I've signed up for another round of 12WBT. Week 1 coincides with the first week of my next rotation at work and also coincides with my first full week in my new house. I recognise now that it's not going to be a smooth ride and that it won't be perfect, but that's okay. So, here's a fresh start. My entire kitchen is in boxes at the moment and I threw out most of the food I had in my kitchen, so literally my first shop will be 100% 12WBT!
The next week I will be spending a LOT of time looking at my mindset and my excuses. I have a lot of them - many more than I initially thought. It's interesting that even though I've done this exercise many times before, that it is only now that the real truths are coming out.
From a nutrition stand-point, my goal is to be mindful of what I put in my mouth, try to eat at regular meal times and to drink more water! I am constantly dehydrated with a total intake of about 600mL per day of any liquid! I'll just have to actively force myself to drink, drink, drink while I'm at work (and try to find time to actually get to the bathroom during my shifts!).