Thursday, August 18, 2011


So yesterday I felt really out of control... I wanted to eat some really, really bad foods. I didn't want to exercise. I was feeling really down and stressed out. And all I wanted to do was sit on the couch and do nothing. And that's not good! So...

I managed not to eat anything bad, BUT I didn't exercise. I had planned to and I had teed up with ABF to go for a run, but some excuses - She phoned late and it was pitch black and I just cooked dinner and I was just sitting down to eat. I also had to finish a presentation that was due today, so I thought it would be best to stay home. I DID intend to exercise at some point, but I ended up just going to bed because of my 5am start the next morning.

So following on from that, today I had my presentation and it went really well! But I continue to feel not as bad as yesterday but I did feel still a bit out of control and certainly still a little down about things. I think Michelle's Task 2 video about excuses and how we self-sabotage and paralyse ourselves with our thoughts - I thought that was really good timing for me considering what I'm going through at the moment.

With that in mind, I have come up with some excuses that I use...

Internal Excuses
My biggest one is 'I couldn't be bothered'. I think too far ahead and I think about how I feel 300m into my run when I hit the point where I just want to stop! I know that's not healthy and usually I push through and I have a really good run after that, but I use that moment as an excuse not to go! "Gosh it's so much effort, I just couldn't be bothered right now. I don't have the energy, I'm too tired, I'm too lazy...I have obviously used some other excuses but that's the biggest one.

External Excuses (within my control) 
A lot of them have to do with it's too cold, it's too hot... blah blah blah!

It's not that it's too cold to go running, it's too cold to get CHANGED into my running gear to go running! I know that as soon as I get out the door I will warm up with exercise so that's not a problem. It's standing in my room, freezing cold thinking I don't want to take my jeans off because my legs are going to freeze in the bedroom and that's just ridiculous! But I have used that in the past!!!

What else... I use the dogs as my excuse. I think I can't go for a run because if I get up in the morning to go for a run I will get back at 5 or 6am and the dogs will start barking when I get home and that will annoy the neighbours! So I use that as an excuse regularly even though I have a treadmill in the lounge room!!!

I use university as an excuse a lot... I need to study, I'm going to fail my exams, I don't have time... I have this presentation due... There's ALWAYS something due! And in my line of work/study, the study is never done! I need to step up to the plate and realise that for me, I need to look after my health and I need to exercise as part of that!

So they are all stupid excuses!

External Excuses (outside of my control)
Well, of course I have those but the things that are true emergencies would be if I were unconscious in hospital or dead, if one of my family was unconscious in hospital, or dead! If one of the dogs was really sick and had to be rushed off to the vet or if I had just lost all my work for university and I had to spend the next 12 hours solid getting the assignment done.

I think in those situations, I need to do what I need to do but then come home and use exercise as a way of getting through the issue.

So those are my excuses for exercise.

In terms of food, again it's a lot of, "I've been for a run so I can eat whatever I like", "I deserve a treat", "I just want it, so who cares of the consequences!" I often eat and I really do self-sabbotage. My self-talk is saying, "hey, you really shouldn't have this" and yet I eat it anyway! So I don't know why I do that - it's a bit stupid! I don't know why I listen to myself!

So, today I finished work early and I came home with all intentions of going for a run before taking one of the dogs to the vet. I had an hour and I had planned on exercising in that hour, but I got side-tracked and ended up on the computer. I really need to do something about this problem. I sit on the computer wasting so much time of my day doing stupid things! I remember when my internet was down for several weeks - I got SO much stuff done around the house! I need to maybe set a timer next to the computer and allow myself 20 minutes before I have to get off and do something else. It's stupid and it's a waste of time and it's really a waste of my life! And I can't use the excuse of "I don't have time" if I am just sitting on the computer!!

Then I had 40 minutes... 30 minutes to leave and then I started using the excuse that I didn't have time because I wanted to go for an hour! Why couldn't I have gone for a run for 30 minutes and smash myself in that time or that half an hour was better than nothing!

After the vet, I had a 'screw this' moment realising how pathetic and ridiculous I was being and I had a look at the excuses I was using to put off the run and it was all BS! "I'm too sore", "I'll do more damage", etc... So I got changed and we went for a run. I realised 300m into my run where I usually have those "you should stop" thoughts, none of that self-talk was happening today! I was actually enjoying myself! Of course my legs were hurting, but I just kept running! So today, I realised that I must be getting fitter! I could talk to my dog while I was running without feeling breathless and I don't remember ever being able to do that! I ended up running 5km and I am sitting here thinking about why I am so happy right now... It's the exercise! I haven't done a good cardio session since Sunday when I did those damn 'thigh blasters' and I've been feeling down ever since! Every day I got more down and it came to a point yesterday where I was so down that I wanted to scoff my face with food. It was a lightbulb moment and I realised that I suffer from exercise withdrawal! I realise that I rely heavily on the endorphins to get through my day, to study well, to be happy... When I don't exercise I feel so down in comparison that I do self-sabbotage and I don't want to exercise! So I have to remind myself that when I am feeling down that the best solution is to do some exercise!

I think that's the first time I've ever truly realised it! I have to admit when I was watching the Task 2 video, I didn't think that listing my excuses and thinking through this would really make a difference. I know that I use excuses and I recognised that before, but I didn't realise what was causing me to feel so down and I didn't realise that exercise was the one thing that makes me feel more alive!

So the moral of the story is, I shouldn't listen to my excuses and I should just get out there and do it. I know that exercise is goig to make myself feel better, I'll be happier, I'll study better... I can't tell you the difference I feel right now! Right now I feel elated! I feel like I've won the lottery! I'm so excited about everything right now - all because I went for a run! It's ridiculous that I have never realised that until now!

My drug of choice is exercise!!

Calories consumed: 1353
Calories burned: 1141
Net calories: + 253

No comments: